Only in My Dreams
by Riptide14
Summary: ALLEGIANT SPOILERS! The setting is about 6 months after the epilogue. Basic premise is about Tobias's life after where it leaves off. He begins having vivid dreams that warn him of some danger coming. There also is a new serum that works with the memories of people and it is used to help comfort people. REST OF SUMMARY INSIDE! I do not own anything
1. Chapter 1

Only in My Dreams

ONLY READ IF YOU HAVE FINISHED ALLEGIANT! Which by the way if anyone wants to talk about it pm me! ~Riptide14

SUMMARY: The setting is about 6 months after the epilogue. Basic premise is about Tobias's life after spreading Tris's ashes. He begins having vivid dreams of Tris who is warning him of some danger coming. There also is a new serum that works with the memories of people and it is used to help comfort people. It's called resurrection serum. Can Tobias stop whatever evil is coming and can he continue to heal? I do not own anything!

Chapter 1: Forward.

Tobias

_" When the rain is blowing in your face and the whole world is on your case. I could offer you a warm embrace to make you feel my love."_

" _Tobias...Tobias_"

As the bright golden sun hits my face I moan and cover my eyes with my arm. I don't want to wake up. And it's not just because it's the middle of a freezing winter in Chicago. I can deal with that. It's because of my dreams. I have been having a lot that involve her. My if it's a dream I don't want to leave that false reality. I want to hold on to anything that I can remember about her. It's been almost 3 years now and it hasn't been any easier. I take each day at a time and I still have bad days. Really bad days. Sometimes all of my memories of her come rushing back and drown me in it's wake. The dream tonight was different though. I have dreamt of her many times before but usually it's recalling a memory of her. But this time she was directly talking to me just like she used to. She was trying to warn me of something but I couldn't make out what it was.

My alarm goes off and now I know I have to get up. I groan and get off the beaten up couch that I call my bed. My apartment isn't much but I don't need that much. The space is enough for me. I go to my bathroom and take a long shower, letting my head go under the shower head for a long time. I can't shake this dream. It was so vivid and real. I just wanted to reach out and touch her again. Feel her warmth spread through me like the sunrise hitting the city. When she died I was too numb and in shock to realize that I would never see or touch her again. Then the following months came and I felt everything. All of my pain, grief and longing for her hit me hard and it was hard to do again. But thanks to my friends and time I have gotten better, taking everything with baby steps. Even though its been so long since her death nothing goes away. I can dull my pain but it will always be apart of me just like her memory. Right now I can tell already that this day is going to be hard since this dream keeps popping up in my head.

I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around my body. I look in the mirror at my bare chest. My dauntless tattoos are still a reminder of my former life and they help to remind me on bad days that it was real. She was real. I look at the small black bird identical to her old ones placed on her chest. I got that tattoo done a couple of months after her death because I needed something permanent. Memories may blur or fade but her bird will be forever with me. Just like she will be forever in my heart. On my back I have a small roman numeral 6 in the space between the factions and flames. Both sides remind me of the two different sides of her that I was lucky to have known. The bird reminds me of her kindness and compassion. She always made sure that I was my best. She made me a better man. The numeral shows her strength and bravery. She was small but she had a fire in her that even the biggest and bravest people couldn't match. She made me stronger.

Suddenly memories of everything come rushing back to me. I see my hands catching Tris off the net and seeing that fire in her eyes. I remember climbing the Ferris Wheel and her standing up to my father in my landscape. I remember her strength and her lip-

_Stop_ I tell myself as some tears form at my eyes. _Push it back_.

I rush out of the bathroom after freshening up and get dressed. I cover my tattoos with a dress shirt and tie. I cover one part of my life as I expose the new part of my life.

Once I am done, I get my coat and I make my way to my apartment door and lock it up. I walk down the stairs and out of the building to work. The wind is howling against my body occasionally swaying my body to the right. I work with the city representative Johanna. She is currently running for our first city mayor in 4th Chicago. I am excited for the election and for her. I think her strengths in politics and neogatating will make her great leader for the city. I recently got promoted to her chief of staff and I honestly don't think I have the qualifications for it. But for some reason Johanna thinks I do so I agreed to the postion. If you asked me a couple of years ago what I would be doing now I definitely would not say that I would be in politics. Three years ago the idea of leading people made me sick because it was a constant reminder of how similar my father and I are. Three years ago I had very different plans for my future. But as I have learned these past couple of years nothing goes as planned. When my world came tumbling down from Tris's death I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to carry on. But now I know that it's how we pick up the broken pieces that defines us. And I am the person I am today because of it.

I walk into the glass building of City Hall and Marty the doorman says hello like he usually does. All I really know about him is that his mind was swiped at the O'Hare attack three years ago. The one that Tris stopped from spreading to the cit-

_Stop. Think of something else_.

But he seems nice enough. I give him a small smile and make my way to the elevators. Unfortunately I do work in a pretty tall building but it's only five stories and not twenty- three or something. No one knows about my fear and I feel like I am back at Dauntless trying to hide it. My office is not by any windows so once I am on my floor it doesn't bother me too much.

The elevator chimes and I pause and take a deep breath before getting in. I push the button and as the doors are closing someone calls

" Hold the elevator please!"

I stop the doors with my hand and I am surprised to see Matthew running up. He looks at me and says

" Hey Tobias how are you?"

I let him in and say," Fine. You?"

He shrugs and says," Can't complain."

I wonder why he is at city hall and I blurt out, " Why are you here?"

He turns to me and says," Well for two reasons. I need to get a permit for a new house I am building with Christina and I have come to ask you something."

Now I am really confused.

" Wait are you and Christina are dating?"

He looks surprised and says," Sorry I thought you would have known. We have been dating for the last 6 months. We decided to move in together last week and thought why not build a house. "

Of course I feel a little bang at my heart because that's what I always imagined doing with Tris but I once again push that dream out of my head. But I am a little surprised that Christina didn't tell me but I guess I have been too busy and maybe she didn't think it was something I needed to know. But why a house? It's only them right?

" Well congrats I am happy for the both of you. What was it you needed to tell me about?"

" Oh right. So you know that serum I have been researching? Well I have perfected it and I wanted to see if you wanted to try it. It's called resurrection serum and it triggers past memories. Christina tried it and told me she saw Will and Uriah. She said it was very real and she was able to touch them and have conversations with them. It basically brings back people the subject has lost. I just wanted to offer it to you because of...Tris."

My heart feels like it has dropped down into my stomach. This has to be a joke or something

" This has to be a joke. There isn't a serum that can do that."

Matthew sighs and says," Well not yet. I haven't told anyone besides Christina and you. But it's real Tobias. I tried it too and it's unreal. I just thought if you wanted to-"

" I will do it." I interrupt him.

He smiles and the elevator dings and as he walks towards the door he says" Meet me tomorrow at the labs."

I nod and as the elevator doors close I am nervous and excited at the same time. But I don't know if this will help me move on or take me back to three years ago. But whatever happens afterwards I know I have to do this. I have to see her again. When the elevator reaches my floor I barely notice until some intern asks, " Are you going up or.."

I roll my eyes and get off as I say, " I work here."

I walk past the stupid intern and make my way to my office. But before I can even take my coat off, Johanna comes in and closes the door. I turn to look at her and she looks at me and says, "I have some really exciting news!"

I look at her and emotionlessly ask, " What is it?"

She squeals and says," My other running mate dropped out last night! I won by default!"

I am really confused because the elections are tonight. But I don't want Johanna to think I am not happy because I am. I mean it made my job easier and she won mayor which I wanted her to.

"That's great Johanna."

She smiles and says, "I am getting sworn in tomorrow at 10am. Make sure you tell the rest of the staff and we can work out the arrangments later because I have a conference call with The Bureau."

The Bureau. That word does not sit right with me. In the last three years there are very few people that I can say I hate. But the people and the Bureau I despise. They took everything from me all because of their stupid experiments and tests. They took he-

_Stop. It. Safe it for later._

"Alright Johanna. I will see you later for arrangments."

She smiles and walks out of my office. I go to my desk and sit down. Between the candidate suspiciously bailing out and the serum thing I need to sit down. Although I thought this day was going to be bad, I was proved wrong. I might be able to see Tris again tomorrow and Johanna won the election for mayor. Nothing can get worse right?

"Hey Mr. Eaton?"

I look up and see that same stupid intern standing at my door. So now she remembers me.

"Yes?"

She looks frightened by me which I don't see too often since my Dauntless days. She bites her lip and says, " So small problem. I might have accidently pushed the copier out the window."

I stare at her and say angrily, " Seriously. How dumb are you?"

Well never mind. This day is going to be bad.


	2. Reunion

**Hey guys hope you are liking the story! REVIEW and tell me what you think please! Also the dreams will be in italics fyi. Love ya~Riptide14**

Chapter 2-Reunion

"_Staring at the ceiling in the dark_

_Same old empty feeling in your heart_

_'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast_

_Well you see her when you fall asleep_

_But never to touch and never to keep_

_'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep"_

I walk into my apartment and slam the door. I am exhausted from work, the election and most importantly the information Matthew told me. I am been tossing the idea around in my head all day. The apartment is freezing but I don't mind it because I am too frustrated and tired to care. But I didn't notice how hungry I was until my stomach grumbles. I go to the refrigerator and get the same old boring dinner. After I heat it up, I sit at my small table and have the usual lonely dinner. And after repeating this routine I call it a night and go to the couch. I can't sleep. My mind is racing about the serum. I don't know if it's going to help. But I can't let my fear of grief and loneliness get in my way. I have to do this. Maybe this is what those dreams mean. Is this what Tris was trying to tell me? I fall asleep running the possibilities in my head

_" Tobias. Wake up." A familiar voice calls. I slowly open my eyes and I stare into the blue eyes that I missed so much._

_" Tris?" I ask groggily as I wake up _

_" Wh-what are you doing here?"_

_She smiles at me and says," wouldn't you love to know. "_

_I sit up and reach out to touch her but somehow she is further back then I thought._

_" Tris! Wait!"_

_She is slowly fading away as she smiles and says," you're moment is coming Tobias. You have to save them."_

_" Save them? Save who? Tris wait!"_

_And then I hear a gunshot_

I jump and sit up in my bed screaming. My body is sweaty and I am breathing hard. This dream was even more vivid then yesterday's. What is going on? I rub my face and grit my teeth. She was so close. I just wanted to touch her again. I just want to be with her again. I need to be with her again. I can't do this anymore. Tears begin to form and I say to myself:

_Stop. Don't do this._

But it's too late and all of the pain, grief, loneliness, guilt and longing come back and hits my body hard. I am sobbing uncontrollably and my body is shaking. This just isn't fair. I thought I was picking up the pieces and healing but I am not. I don't think I ever can.

Soon when my blanket is damp with tears, I finally calm down and touch the birds on my chest. I have to remember that I might see her again in the morning. I rub my red eyes and lay back down on the couch trying to go to sleep. But I can't and I stare at the ceiling.

In the morning I get up and get ready. Forty-five minutes later I am already at the lab with Matthew. He greets me and walks me into the lab. It's white and steely reminding me of the room where we did the fear simulations in Dauntless. Matthew motions to the cold chair and I sit down and lean back. He comes over with a needle with a clear liquid.

" So what will happen is that I will inject you with the serum while you are laying down. Unlike the other serums it makes you fall asleep. Once you are asleep I can only grant you 30 minutes before I have to get you out. Any more then that and you could die. Understand?" He asks.

I nod at Matthew and he takes the needle and injects it into my neck. I haven't been injected in a while so I jump at first but relax once I am familiar with it. Slowly my body feels heavier and my eyes start to close. And then I am gone.

_I am now walking through a meadow. It is a beautiful sunny day and the skies are blue and clear. I haven't seen anything so beautiful before and it amazes me that this might have been how the world was before the Purity Wars._

_"Tobias!" a voice calls._

_ I turn towards it and my stomach does a flip. It's her. _

_" Tris." I respond breathlessly._

_She is a little further away then me but she smiles and rushes towards me. I quickly walk to her and we meet half way. And I touch her. I touch her and I wrap her up in my arms and spin her small yet strong body around. I remember how her body felt, warm and certain and I hold her close. She wraps her hands around my neck and buries her head in my shoulder as she starts sobbing. I start to cry too and we hold each. Finally I pull away just enough to look at her and I drink in her face. It's even more beautiful then I remember and it's so soft and angelic. She has long hair again, her golden hair shining in the sunlight. She is wearing a long white flowing dress. I have never really seen her in a dress but she looks gorgeous. I rub my thumb over her cheeks wiping away her tears and I slowly lean in. My lips find hers and it's like we haven't missed a thing. We were made for each other and I see that now as our lips collide. I kiss her lovingly and passionately, pouring all of my emotions from the last three years into it. She does the same as she pulls me closer and it's the best kiss in my life. She pulls back and looks at me, saying with tears in her eyes," I missed you so much. I am so sorry, I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to I sw-."_

_I hush her as she starts to cry again and I say," I know. I missed you too. God I missed you so much. " I say as my voice cracks and I hug her tightly again never wanting to let go. Tris holds me and then pulls back to look at me. _

_She takes my rough hands and says," Listen there is something I need to warn you about Tobias."_

_This sounds too familiar. Wait has it been really her in my dreams?_

_" Wait those dreams...they were actually you?"_

_She nods and says," There is a lot about the world that you don't know Tobias. Where I have been for the last three years is nothing you have ever seen before. It's not heaven but it can be close. Right now I am stuck between the two worlds and I supposedly can't leave until I find peace with my loved ones. I can't leave until I help you and the city. Tobias something is out there that will destroy the city and the world. You need to stop them. I have been watching you and."_

_" Wait you have? How?"_

_She smirks and says" Tobias I am basically a ghost. This is all part of what I am doing. But even though I am controlling this. " She squeezes my hand, "Like for instance I can I touch you here. But in the real world you physically can't see me but I have been there. I have seen everything that my death has done to you and I am so sorry. I didn't want this for you. I wanted you to move on and forgive me."_

_I look at her and I can't keep my eyes off of her. I don't want to be away from her again. _

_"It's alright Tris. Sure these three years have been hell but I don't blame you. At first I was very angry but now I have accepted why you sacrificed yourself and I am at peace with it. "_

_She smiles and says," I hope so. I can't see you in pain anymore. It breaks my heart. But listen. There is a very powerful destructive weapon in Chicago. A resistance group wants to unleash it on the city and you have to find them and stop it before something bad happens."_

_"How can I do that Tris? I have no idea who this resistance group is let alone what they want."_

_She sighs and says, " I know you don't but you need to look out for it. You are the only one in that city who can lead them and stop its destruction."_

_"But I am not their leader. Johanna was elected mayor and she will be." _

_She looks at me with those bright eyes that I missed so much and says, "You shouldn't doubt your strength Tobias. You always told me how strong and kind I was and you gave me the confidence to be brave. But you are just as strong and kind as me maybe even a little more. You need to deny this and see yourself for who you really are. I know who you really are and I have missed seeing your strength and courage everyday. But now you need to show the world who you are."_

_I smirk and ask," Have you been talking to too many dead philosophers Tris?"_

_She rolls her eyes and says, "Maybe but I am serious."_

_I put my arms up in defense, " Oh no I get that Socrates."_

_"Get over here smartass."_

_She bunches the front of my shirt up and pulls my lips over to hers. I smile against her lips and wrap my arms around her, pulling her against me. I missed her lips, her body and how she felt when I held her. I finally got my one more. She suddenly pulls away and says sadly, " Time is almost up."_

_"What? No…no! That wasn't 30 minutes. "_

_She nods sadly and says, "I am sorry Tobias but it is." She pulls me into another passionate kiss and I refuse to believe that its time to leave. I can't not when she is right her. I can't go yet. One more. One more minute._

_She pulls away with tears in her eyes and says, "I love you Tobias. I love you so much. I will wait for you. I will be right in the middle until you time on Earth done._

_"Tris wait-"_

_She shakes her head, " There is no more time left. You need to go and save the city."_

_I look at her with tears in my eyes forming, "I love you Tris."_

_She touches my cheek gently and says," I know. Be Brave Tobias."_

_Suddenly the world is turning black and hazy and I know I am waking up. _

_But still I reach out for her, trying to hold her and finally keep her. But I can't and I scream in frustration._

I wake up screaming, "TRIS!"

Small hands touch my shoulder and I hear Matthew's voice says, "Tobias it's alright-"

I don't know why but something ignites in my core and I turn towards Matthew and yell.

"No! It's not ALRIGHT! She is dead! Dead! How the hell is that alright?"

He looks shocked but says calmly, "I know but you were freaking out-"

"Damn right I was freaking out! I had to leave her again and I can't touch her or talk to her now because she is dead. How the hell do you think this serum will help people? All it does is it makes the death and the loss hurt all over again!"

I hop off the chair and storm out of the lab. I get out side and place my hands on either side of my face and scream. I scream out of frustration because I can't be with her. I scream because she thinks I am some savior of the city and I scream because it hurts. The pain hurts too much and now I am back at square one. How can I be brave now?


	3. Backtrack

**Hi Guys! hope you like this chapter! Its kind of short but its just to move the plot along so we can get to the good parts. Don't go anywhere because some craziness is about to go down. RandR and I do not own anything! **

Chapter 3: Backtrack.

It's been two days since I did the serum. Two days and I feel like I just lost her all over again. I haven't been able to move and my body feels numb. I have called in sick for work the last two days and I missed Johanna's swearing in as mayor. I felt bad but if I could barely remember to drink some water than I don't think I would have been much help. I don't know why I am like this. I have spent the last three years trying to get and be better but now it's just not working. Nothing seems to be working. I keep picturing her in my head and I can't stop. I haven't slept because I know I will see her and she will interact with me.

There is a loud knock on the door and I don't answer it or pay attention to it until I hear Christiana's loud voice

" Tobias! Open this door right now!"

I groan and slowly get up and go to get the door. As soon as open it, Christiana charges in and says," what the hell has been going on with you Tobias?! I have been calling you hell everyone has been calling you trying to see if you were alright! Johanna said you missed work the last two days and you look like shit. Have you even slept?

I roll my eyes and sit on the couch as I say," nice to see you too."

Christiana sighs angrily and says," Tobias what has been going on. Tell me or I will make Zeke zipline you of the highest building."

She stares at me with anger and I sigh and say," I...I have been having these dreams where Tris is talking to me and two days ago I saw Matthew. He told me that there was a new serum that could connect me with tris. And he was right. It worked. I saw Tris and then time was up and she was ripped away from me once again. And then I don't know Christiana. I feel like I am back at square one and I don't know what to do to get back to being ok."

She sits next to me and take my hand in hers. She looks at me and says," I know. Matthew told me what happened. I just wanted to hear your side of it. Tobias I know you feel like you lost her again but you didn't. She has been dead for three years and that serum wasn't her. It was part of her memory and I know, trust me, you would do anything to see her again but I don't think that this serum is helpful for you. I mean look at you. I tried it too but I accepted that I would never see Will or Uriah or Tris until it was my time. Now I know those dreams you have been having feel like they are real but they aren't. But you can still hold on to them to help you on tough days like today. But you have grown so much since three year ago and you are one of the strongest people I know Tobias. You can't let this get to you. She wouldn't want that."

I am holding my head low and trying not to cry. She is right, tris would hate that I let that serum get to me like it has. I nod and feel Christiana rubbing my back as some tears come. And suddenly I can't hold them any longer. Everything comes back and I am back that the morgue seeing Tris dead. I hold my head in my hands and sob.

Eventually I stop and sniffle as Christiana says," We are all allowed to have a bad day and cry. That's how we know that whoever we are grieving for meant something to us. But we still need to keep moving."

" T-thanks. Your right. I am ok now."

She smiles as I look at her with my blurry eyes and she says," Good because you smell awful. Seriously man you have bags under your eyes and a beard growing in and-"

" Alright Christiana I get it."

She laughs and I sit back on the couch. She suddenly looks nervous and I ask," Everything ok?"

She looks back at me and says," So I assume Matthew told you we are dating right?"

I nod and say," Yay he told me. I wished I had know sooner but I understand if you didn't want to tell me. You're building a house too?"

" Yah. But it's not just for the two of us um...I'm pregnant."

The words hit me and I struggle to find that correct response. I am happy for her but she doesn't seem too happy.

" Christiana that's great. Congrats. But why are you so upset."

She looks and says," oh no no no I am thrilled. I just I wanted to ask you something and I totally understand if it's not alright with you. "

" what?"

She takes a deep breath and asks," Well I am about 4 months along Tobias. I know I don't look like I am but this shirt is huge on me and I am not really showing as it is. And Matthew and I went to the doctors and found out it was a girl. And I wanted you're permission. I wanted to name my child after Tris. She was my best friend and I would love to have my daughter grow up to be as brave, kind and beautiful as she was."

I am quiet for a little while but eventually I answer back quietly " I think that would be a great name. And it would be a tribute to Tris. She would have loved it. I know she would have. Congrats Christiana."

She has tears in her eyes and says," Thanks so much Tobias. It means a lot to me."

We sit and talk about the baby and other things and before we know it it's already 8 at night. Christiana says goodbye and makes me promise to call her when I am having another bad day. I assure her I will but I know I won't. I don't like to be comforted too much on my bad days and I prefer to be on my own anyway.

I clean up and shower. I shave my shaggy face and remember the time in Amity when Tris hugged me while I was shaving. It's the little things that crept into my mind about her but I now know I need to appreciate them. Eventually I got to my bed and fall quickly to sleep. And I dream of her. But it isn't the dreams I have been having lately. This one is full of memories and wishes. I dream about what our live could have been and what I wish with ever fiber in my body it was. It almost seems as though Tris is cheering me up with the memories of her. And it works for a bit before I wake and start my day. I hope for a better day then the past two days and discover that even though I can't be with Tris I know she is still with me. She has never left me and I will never be alone.


End file.
